Tim Fletcher
Tim Fletcher
  • Видео 575
  • Просмотров 22 402 181
Being a Chameleon: Complex Trauma's Effect on Your Sense of Self
GET STARTED With a FREE Preview to our 12 Basic Needs Course: bit.ly/3UQcWeq
Website: bit.ly/3ybk8Jf
Do You Have Complex Trauma? Take the QUIZ: bit.ly/3QGbzMV
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Have you ever described yourself as a chameleon, adept at adapting to everyone around you? When you grow up in complex trauma, you learn to be whoever you need to be to be accepted, feel safe, or feel worthy. All that masking can make you forget - or never learn - who you are.
See the full talk here to learn about personality tests and ways to heal this Characteristic of Complex Trauma: ruclips.net/user/live_NpR-8EMcHE?si=UBTe3NrnG9BBeqtl.
Try a FREE Preview of One of Our Online Courses: bit.ly/3UQcWeq
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Видео

Being an Unwanted Child Comes with a Lifetime of Trauma
Просмотров 13 тыс.2 часа назад
GET STARTED With a FREE Preview to our 12 Basic Needs Course: bit.ly/3UQcWeq Website: bit.ly/3ybk8Jf Do You Have Complex Trauma? Take the QUIZ: bit.ly/3QGbzMV In this clip from Tim's Talk on Subtle Traumas, Tim talks about how the trauma of being unwanted as a child can start as early as in the womb, and how that can make a person's self-image negative from a very early age. Watch the full talk...
How to Start Healing from Emotional Dysregulation
Просмотров 16 тыс.16 часов назад
GET STARTED With a FREE Preview to our 12 Basic Needs Course: bit.ly/3UQcWeq Website: bit.ly/3ybk8Jf Do You Have Complex Trauma? Take the QUIZ: bit.ly/3QGbzMV We have to prioritize connection in order to heal complex trauma and emotional dysregulation. In this clip from '60 Characteristics of Complex Trauma - Part 20/33 - Emotional Dysregulation' , Tim goes through the most important phases of ...
Escapism is a Coping Mechanism for Pain
Просмотров 13 тыс.19 часов назад
GET STARTED With a FREE Preview to our 12 Basic Needs Course: bit.ly/3UQcWeq Website: bit.ly/3ybk8Jf Do You Have Complex Trauma? Take the QUIZ: bit.ly/3QGbzMV In this clip from ruclips.net/user/liveS4cCEM8d6yg?si=mDBJHGkK7JaFGnfc, Tim Talks about the many forms of escaping into fantasy as a form of coping with Complex Trauma, and when escapism can be healthy. Try a FREE Preview of One of Our On...
4 Key Characteristics of Healthy Organizations
Просмотров 4,3 тыс.14 дней назад
4 Key Characteristics of Healthy Organizations
Understanding Shame Vs. Guilt | Clip from This Past Weekend w/ Host Theo Von
Просмотров 4,7 тыс.14 дней назад
Understanding Shame Vs. Guilt | Clip from This Past Weekend w/ Host Theo Von
How the Pattern of Narcissism is Misunderstood
Просмотров 37 тыс.21 день назад
How the Pattern of Narcissism is Misunderstood
The 18 Characteristics of Narcissists
Просмотров 38 тыс.21 день назад
The 18 Characteristics of Narcissists
How Shame Alters How We Look at Ourselves
Просмотров 12 тыс.28 дней назад
How Shame Alters How We Look at Ourselves
What Happens When Two Shame-Based People Start a Relationship
Просмотров 13 тыс.28 дней назад
What Happens When Two Shame-Based People Start a Relationship
Codependency - Devaluing Phase
Просмотров 41 тыс.9 месяцев назад
Codependency - Devaluing Phase
Complex Trauma Sixty Characteristics - Part 10/11
Просмотров 21 тыс.Год назад
Complex Trauma Sixty Characteristics - Part 10/11
Spiritual Bypassing - Part 8/8 - Armour of God, Dark Nights
Просмотров 18 тыс.Год назад
Spiritual Bypassing - Part 8/8 - Armour of God, Dark Nights
Bite Size Series - Part 2 - Part 2/13 - Why RE/ACT?
Просмотров 3,7 тыс.Год назад
Bite Size Series - Part 2 - Part 2/13 - Why RE/ACT?
Re-Parenting - Part 52 - Stress
Просмотров 17 тыс.Год назад
Re-Parenting - Part 52 - Stress
Spiritual Bypassing - Part 2/8
Просмотров 9 тыс.Год назад
Spiritual Bypassing - Part 2/8
Spiritual Bypassing - Part 1/8
Просмотров 21 тыс.Год назад
Spiritual Bypassing - Part 1/8
Re-Parenting - Part 12 - Inner Child - Part 1
Просмотров 37 тыс.2 года назад
Re-Parenting - Part 12 - Inner Child - Part 1
Re-Parenting - Part 5 - Why Values Matter
Просмотров 24 тыс.2 года назад
Re-Parenting - Part 5 - Why Values Matter
Journey Of Recovery - Part 3/5 - Temptations
Просмотров 13 тыс.2 года назад
Journey Of Recovery - Part 3/5 - Temptations
Tim Fletcher Membership Video Access - Help Us Help Others!
Просмотров 80 тыс.2 года назад
Tim Fletcher Membership Video Access - Help Us Help Others!
Bite Size Series - Part 2 - Part 5/13 - 12 Needs
Просмотров 14 тыс.2 года назад
Bite Size Series - Part 2 - Part 5/13 - 12 Needs
Bite Size Series - Part 2 - Part 7/13 - Stages of Change
Просмотров 9 тыс.3 года назад
Bite Size Series - Part 2 - Part 7/13 - Stages of Change
Recovery Dangers - Part 4/10 - When Mental Health Is Triggered (Old)
Просмотров 8 тыс.4 года назад
Recovery Dangers - Part 4/10 - When Mental Health Is Triggered (Old)
Your Money Trauma Starts at Childhood
Просмотров 34 тыс.4 года назад
Your Money Trauma Starts at Childhood
Food Addiction: Craving the Truth About Food
Просмотров 36 тыс.4 года назад
Food Addiction: Craving the Truth About Food
Shame and Complex Trauma - Part 5/6
Просмотров 82 тыс.4 года назад
Shame and Complex Trauma - Part 5/6
Boundaries and Complex Trauma - Part 1/12 - Introduction
Просмотров 19 тыс.4 года назад
Boundaries and Complex Trauma - Part 1/12 - Introduction
How to Set Boundaries and Stop People Pleasing
Просмотров 50 тыс.4 года назад
How to Set Boundaries and Stop People Pleasing
Boundaries and Complex Trauma - Part 3/12 - Hooks
Просмотров 29 тыс.4 года назад
Boundaries and Complex Trauma - Part 3/12 - Hooks

Комментарии

  • @ced4589
    @ced4589 4 минуты назад

    I'm in this description and i don't like it....

  • @oldcrone
    @oldcrone 6 минут назад

    People are not reliable. Love yourself and take good care.

  • @rhondanelson2669
    @rhondanelson2669 12 минут назад

    You are so spot on. You are a very educated man just overflowing with deep wisdom. Your insight is so vast but whats more is your ability to articulate your wisdom as you present it. You have mastered your craft and are an incredible gift to mankind. I have deeply identified with all of your series. They are very validating. I had many aha moments while watching you and gained a better understanding of why my brother acts out as he does. If people could be a little less brash with others and seek to understand rather than condemn I think our world would be just a little sweeter place to be.6😢76

  • @bswogger4656
    @bswogger4656 20 минут назад

    Have proof that behavioral health/pych majors are causing these extraordinary horrific outcomes by these none scientific sick practices. These issues have been complicated by nonsensical fake science! Only thing those field can do they are not capable of communicating which is a major fragmentation of none supportive interactions complicating anaphylactic shock 12-3-2011 not fix of this date with major tumor growth & hernias from refusal to let me have needed gallbladder removal, 6-13 next day ride my bike to Ellen Sohus hernia she is a psychopath!

  • @lightworker6298
    @lightworker6298 20 минут назад

    I am crying

  • @winterskymoonranch
    @winterskymoonranch 46 минут назад

    This was about as clear as mud. I would like to know how they are created in the first place, and I have seen many studies that say some of their patterning is genetic which means they are actually born as narcs to begin with. No empathy here. They are a complete waste of perfectly good air and real estate..evil to it's core. That is why so many politicians, pastors, and others who seek positions of power are narcissists or worse.

  • @taraann-ms1oi
    @taraann-ms1oi 52 минуты назад

    This is so uncool. You just give us all the facts and not even one single positive cue to relieve what you just dropped on us.

  • @pinecone1321
    @pinecone1321 Час назад

    My mother should have stopped at two children needless to say I'm number five. She verbally reminded me weekly that she didn't want me that I never should have been born. Yes and that thank God I was Catholic Catholic. I would have been aborted. She told me all the time she didn't want me and that because we were catholic she couldn't use birth control.

  • @nealwailing3870
    @nealwailing3870 Час назад

    Bless you...I didn't have it so bad.... I hope you mend as much as possible

  • @Sanitydriven477
    @Sanitydriven477 Час назад

    Sir, you are marvelous. My husband has the trauma you're referring here. I have been married for 8yrs now. It took me 6yrs to convey my sincere admiration and love for him. Yes, it took me this long to convince him that there's no ulterior or hidden motive here. He's out of fight or flight mode, he's currently much calm and secure at work too. I only hope this continues.

  • @CW-rx2js
    @CW-rx2js Час назад

    I don't create a whole fantasy world in The sense that some commenters are saying ... But I prefer to watch fantasy shows and movies which take me to that world, and then I stay in that world for a few days (basically I do my basic chores and apart from that I am in that world all the time until it wears off). But then going back to reality is a pain. Then gradually I get back to reality- not as happy or fulfilling but what to do? Then again I find something else to immerse myself in.... And so on and so forth

  • @madhuridas4745
    @madhuridas4745 Час назад

    Truly profound and succinct talk here. Very clearly expressed in a short time with no nonsense and no frills. You are Skilled Sir. Thank You for this; yes it's difficult for some of us to hear as it's so relatable

  • @annandall9118
    @annandall9118 Час назад

    I was meant to be a boy. They had my sister but struggled to have a second child. Had several miscarriages then were given a new drug to prevent miscarriage. In my father's culture a male isn't a man unless he has a son. Plus girls are viewed as a burden. My mother just wanted a son because her father always wanted a son, plus she was in competition with her sisters in law. The disapointment was obvious. I became the scapegoat. Much of what you describe came to pass. Not all of it. ❤

  • @sunshinesunflowerz1647
    @sunshinesunflowerz1647 Час назад

    Let me if I got this right. Person sees a reflection of themselves, but s/he isn't able to connect to himself or herself, to fully give themselves. Filling their own cup and giving love from their overflow. Instead, said persons engages in unhealthy behaviors to elicit a false sense of humility.

  • @CW-rx2js
    @CW-rx2js Час назад

    I do THIS since i was a kid....I know why I do it, but the pain is too real

  • @Klip.Steenkamp
    @Klip.Steenkamp Час назад

    What about a child left in gods hands. Not stimulated to get direction. Intellectually neglected. Just be. That seems to be a trauma too. Always a feeling of "left behind", "not good enough ", "catching up". Now I seriously need to rebuild, in a sense "catching up", but this time know where it started, and aware of why it should be done.

  • @ginnyd240
    @ginnyd240 Час назад

    If your mother says sometimes several times a day I never wanted 5 children and you are the fourth and your little sister is the 5th. Actually she should just as well have said I never wanted any children. Also back in the day there was almost no birth control

  • @JoeDoig
    @JoeDoig Час назад

    Because it is the truth. I don't know who I am. All I am aware of is "I am". I be. I am. This is not just a philosophical statement. It is the fact. Ask the question - What do I truly know or unknow about that which is said to be aware of this thought, voice, body and world? It is realised that no matter what it is called; awareness, consciousness etc... The mind and body and world knows nothing nor can unknow anything about the true self other than I am. What is being presented by those that have suffered trauma is the truth. They don't know who they truly are other than they are. A glaringly obvious remedy to the trauma is being presented. They are not the misidentification with the trauma. They are not that identity. Yet the trauma is an aspect of the true self. It is upon the realisation that the pain and suffering says "Hello, I. No, not this! I am" as the truth. The pain and suffering is the true self by simply being. The misidentification is "I am not the pain and suffering". Why? Because it expresses detachment from one's true being and this is "what you see as what you get" known as trauma pain and suffering. When the pain and suffering is present, attention should be focussed on it and the body should Surrender to it with a Sigh of Relief. Two half breaths in through the nose followed by a long slow Sigh of Relief out the mouth. This is physical surrender by Vagus nerve stimulation that lowers heart rate and soothes the mind. The realisation that the pain and suffering is actually an alert to the misidentification with the pain and suffering. "I am not" is pain and suffering. "I am' is the remedy because there is the recognition that all is the true self that be: I am.

  • @8genmilitaryfamusa671
    @8genmilitaryfamusa671 2 часа назад

    There is some 5000+ year old research that you just confirmed 100%. It's called the The Bastard Curse in the Bible. It comes from having sex outside of marriage, but no one wants to talk about that. It affects people down 10 generations. It the longest curse in the entire Bible. We are seeing the results of it throughout our society more than ever now. The sad part is people will kill the baby adding murder to this list. Instead of teaching people to be chaste until marriage, society hands out condoms. There is healing for this and it costs $0. It's called repentance and asking Jesus to forgive us for our sins and learning to live God's way as He says in the Bible. I'm not trying to make anyone mad and I'm not pushing the Bible here, but the truth is the truth. Look up the Bastard Curse here on RUclips and you can learn more about it from a ton of people. I was a bastard child and I struggled with this most of my life until I found out the real cause of what the true root of the problem really was. It amazes me how psychology rarely includes the truth from the Bible, but it confirms the Bible is true constantly. Billions of dollars spent on research and Psych appointments wasted when God gave us the truth in the very beginning. The Bible is not our enemy, it's actually more than a trusted friend, it's real freedom. It's sad "preachers" and money hungry con people have turned so many people off to the Bible and God, but Psychology, Psychologist, therapists are exploiting everyone just as much if not more, because there is no real freedom in their Godless explanations. I'm 61 years old and I found real freedom believing God. I wasted a lot of money on Psychologists etc who didn't know the Bible or God. There are evil people in this world, and even being married some parents didn't want the child. The Bible talks about that too and how to deal with it and have freedom from their foolishness. When you've tried it all and you're still not healed, fixed or still struggling, give the Bible, Jesus, a real true chance. He may just surprise you. Look up The Bastard Curse. I hope this helps someone who really wants freedom from all this junk.

  • @kassandraclinch3688
    @kassandraclinch3688 2 часа назад

    I was unwanted to the point of being hated by my mother. She lied about it to everyone until she died and never was able to show me love. I do everything I can to make sure my children know how easy it is to love them and how glad I am to have them in my life.

  • @didous12
    @didous12 2 часа назад

    Thank you for all you do.❤ God bless you! God has been so faithful to me I exalt his name now and everyday of my life. ☦️❤️🙏Awesome God ❤️my family are happy once again and can now afford anything for my family even with my Retirement.$67k weekly returns has been life changing, after so much struggles.

    • @KuramaUchiha-id1ow
      @KuramaUchiha-id1ow Час назад

      Hello how do you make such weekly?? I'm a born Christian and sometimes I feel so down of myself because of low finance but I still believe in God.

    • @didous12
      @didous12 Час назад

      @@KuramaUchiha-id1owMaria Angelina Alexander I really appreciate her efforts and transparency.

    • @didous12
      @didous12 Час назад

      I remember giving her my first savings $20000 and she opened a brokerage account for me it turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me.

    • @dewsydaisy
      @dewsydaisy Час назад

      I've been hearing lots of good things, and her trading strategies and programs are great!!❤

    • @Amelia53084
      @Amelia53084 Час назад

      I heard a CNBC news host spoke highly big about this name and her strategies, how she has been helpful to many people. Been trying to reach her since.

  • @teemadarif8243
    @teemadarif8243 2 часа назад

    they don't Know who they are , but they can Feel who they are .

  • @CherylZellitt
    @CherylZellitt 2 часа назад

    Both people are willing to on themselves, yes! I stayed in this relatiinship way too long!

  • @sunshinesunflowerz1647
    @sunshinesunflowerz1647 3 часа назад

    Personality: INFJ-A. Talents: Quality time, music: singing, the arts, language & reading, listening, science: biology & chemistry, Passion: helping by mentoring

  • @user-iw5ws5rk7w
    @user-iw5ws5rk7w 3 часа назад

    Nothing can trigger me. You're wrong.

  • @jayleng9630
    @jayleng9630 3 часа назад

    Wow that's me thank you for showing me what I need too work on

  • @Luke-ei2yv
    @Luke-ei2yv 3 часа назад

    IFS therapy is really practical and applicable for people wanting to move through trauma from the past. Hope Tim mentions IFS one day.

  • @jacquelinekemp4074
    @jacquelinekemp4074 3 часа назад

    not if they get left at home alone with TV & dont to get try anything

  • @loli3939
    @loli3939 3 часа назад

    My patents both suffered terribly as children. Learned this in my 60s. Mom has passed and was with adrenal disease. Dad is autistic. He is the biggest issue. Totally as described here and terrified or ignored his children. Now he is as mild and still antisocial but untrustworthy and totally indifferent to 3 out of 5 children. Hard to be a Christian, when one dislikes their parents. This video is totally us children. Truth was punished. No safety. Ever. Still. I'm leaving again to move a province away so I can have safety back. I never had a mother or father only two angry, violent abusers. Sorry God, you did not give me the power to love my enemy. I felt relief when my Mom died. I will rejoice when my Dad dies and I can break away from the two golden children who duck the oxygen out of the room, like Dad did. ❤ Jesus loves me this I know, because the Bible tells me so. If not for the Bible, I would have killed myself because the abuse was relentless at home and school where others puck up your hurtness and then bully you too.

  • @MsGabiele
    @MsGabiele 4 часа назад

    Thank you - highly valuable work!❤

  • @brianjames9946
    @brianjames9946 4 часа назад

    Nailed it! I’m adopted.

    • @martinrea8548
      @martinrea8548 2 часа назад

      Have you ever looked for your birth parents?

  • @lewhellickson3130
    @lewhellickson3130 4 часа назад

    I got run-over to keep it constant. That's a toxic plan that hasn't and will not work.... I am a Borderline, codependent, CPSTD in the 13 to 20 age of life. I took for 7 years every day. I see how it changed my brain, life, trajectory. Regulars can't understand and wont....

  • @el224
    @el224 4 часа назад

    Totally explains what happened to me

  • @JesuisLord
    @JesuisLord 4 часа назад

    8:00 what makes us who we are

  • @Sleeprocket1
    @Sleeprocket1 5 часов назад

    The end made me very sad

  • @aceshigh5157
    @aceshigh5157 5 часов назад

    wow this was very validating!! i started paying attention to my thoughts, emotions, reactions, experiences a few years ago and am in the process of integrating my self concept. and yes, the difference between me now and me before is that i actually feel safe to do it. i'm excited to see what my self concept is - because then i'll need to test it out since i won't know if it's my true or false self. a big reason why it took me so long to get here is that i have a belief that connecting with myself will negatively impact others. i'm not afraid of my "dark side", i'm afraid that i'm just as stupid as my mother always told me that i was. connecting to myself - having and expressing my wants and needs - will create problems for others and i'm not allowed to take up space because i'm so stupid. and yes i realize how batshit this all sounds...

  • @amezfires9247
    @amezfires9247 5 часов назад

    Healing is a blessing & a curse, having a name for what shaped me is all the validation I needed. Trying to explain it to others, however, is exhausting. Most think I'm lying, exaggerating, & that I'm just making excuses for maladaptive behavior. I quite literally don't think or process info in a way that they can relate to. They assume the worst, & then throw it in my face & don't hesitate to tear me down. I don't bother with those kind of people anymore because they're going to believe what they want, & they're opinion is inconsequential to me. I'm authentic & understanding, but I'm not a punching bag. I have endured it for a lifetime, & I'm not responsible for other people's emotions & behavior. Family or not, I don't owe them a damn thing. I'm not obligated to give them my time, attention, & energy when I'm never given the same in return.

  • @leedavies6824
    @leedavies6824 6 часов назад

    Yes Yes Yes 💯 Thank you Tim 🙏

  • @4Mikes4Mindset4
    @4Mikes4Mindset4 6 часов назад

    And i do not care. I never did like or respect people that dont comprehend value for value

  • @tommyorange4270
    @tommyorange4270 6 часов назад

    It would be very interesting to do research to complex trauma and the development of gender dysphoria (transgender people). How many lost teenagers and young adults have decided to transition, because of not having a sense of self and finding some sort of relief in changing gender? Disclaimer: Not saying transitioning is bad or good or that gender dysphoria isn't something (partially) innate. I am however concerned about young people with complex trauma, pursuing a gender change that involves a lot of risk to one's health, eventually coming to the conclusion a gender change did not help them becoming authentic. That is just so heart breaking.

  • @cosmicsweeper709
    @cosmicsweeper709 6 часов назад

    I honour your courage to speak out in detail about this tragic journey 💖 and wish you a great future

  • @kenstoner3413
    @kenstoner3413 6 часов назад

    Again with the god bullshit in the comments Tell that to the children on Epsteins rape island It’s all for a lesson to bring you closer to the fictional man in the sky Morons

  • @daljitvirdi1024
    @daljitvirdi1024 6 часов назад

    This makes total sense why they pull away from you! This is true psychology facts about fear of intimacy! This is why things don't work out with them! 😊💖🙏.

  • @lrsco
    @lrsco 6 часов назад

    My narcissistic mother outright told me I was an accident

  • @wonderlife62
    @wonderlife62 6 часов назад

    His advice was good until he brought up God at the end…when religion showed up . The God we must pray to according to Christianity, with honest heart filled prayers even though many are often ignored. We are told to trust “ him” no matter the consequences, no matter the abuse we suffer. So does Christianity promote a healthy relationship with God with all its doctrinal abuses attached?. No, not really. What I’m finding out is God is not a separate person from us, God is all of us collectively, warts and all. Loving oneself and loving others is loving “God”- humanity. We don’t pray to other people, we hope and wish the best for them and treat them accordingly.

  • @user-zv6rx7pm9m
    @user-zv6rx7pm9m 7 часов назад

    I was traumatized by my neighbor and my family. I remember at one point my sister said to my mom "it's like she doesn't have a personality" because I really had shut myself down for years. Becoming independent as an adult has helped oddly enough. I started the type of exploring kids do in my 20s but non the less I can feel myself slowly healing little by little and I'm almost to the point where I can leave. I forgive my family and my parents. I know they will never truly understand my words but I'm happy to become adult and move on.

  • @xhdjhdhdhxh
    @xhdjhdhdhxh 7 часов назад

    What if my shame is not distortion, but truth? I have autism. I believe I'm born to be rejected, and that's always ture when I'm authentic. So how can I put off my mask?

  • @ARainbowAfterDark
    @ARainbowAfterDark 7 часов назад

    I’d love to know if you have any specific advice on healing this sort of wounding; I feel like I’ve done and tried so much in attempts to heal and while I know I’ve made progress and come a long way in my trauma healing journey, this is the one wound that never seems to get much better and I’m often left wonder if it ever will I was adopted at birth and although I can understand that in some sense my parents who raised me wanted me as a child I have always felt a deep and profound sense of being unwanted, compounded by the chaotic and dysfunctional family I was adopted into and other trauma I experienced throughout my life I believe my parents and even my birth mother love me but I have struggled all my life to actually *feel* loved and wanted I’ve been in therapy most of my life and been learning about psychology and human behavior since I was young in attempts to understand myself and others and always struggled with relationships of all kinds It’s as if I can logically understand people loving me but I seem incapable of feeling it and truly absorbing it, no matter what I do